Day 0...an experiment.

I discovered hot yoga two months ago.  My friend Linda had been attending classes at the studio down the street from where I live in Fremont.  I wasn't at all familiar with the Bikram style and had only gone to one or two "regular" yoga classes in my life.  I read some information online and Linda answered my many, many questions.  I was nervous.  My biggest concern was becoming nauseous or passing out in front of everybody.  Plus, 90 minutes?!?!  She assured me that I could lay down at any time and by drinking plenty of water and having a small snack a few hours beforehand I'd be able to prevent any major discomfort.  I'm immensely grateful to her for going with me that first day because I don't know if I would have been brave enough to try it on my own.

I remember a few specific things from that first experience.  Well, the heat hit me right away, no surprise there.  I was sweating within a couple minutes of just entering the room and setting up my mat.  Seattle can be a very dreary and gray place to live, and this past January was an especially bad month...I found myself grateful for the warmth.  The teacher I had for my first class, Penni, was patient and kind.  She demonstrated the breathing exercises and gave me feedback throughout the class.  I'm about 50 pounds overweight and I was amazed at what the other students were able to do with their bodies, and also slightly self conscious.  The class went by pretty quickly.  I did indeed spend a fair amount of time on my back but I was proud of myself for just staying in the studio for the full 90 minutes.  There were moments I wanted to run out of there and bolt for the nearest exit.  I learned something that day about being still even in the midst of extreme anxiety. Which leads me to why I'm starting this blog...

Since I was a teenager, a good majority of my life has been spent dealing with chronic anxiety and depression.  The severity and form of my symptoms have ebbed and flowed over the years.  At times I've been an extremely social and productive individual.  And at other times I've stayed in bed for stretches of days, often feeling like a physical force is pushing me down into the mattress.  I've used a variety of different medications, therapies, etc. with varying degrees of success.  Bikram yoga seems like one of the more promising options.  In the past two months I've noticed a significant difference on the days I attend a class.  Unfortunately my attendance has been sporadic.  It's been a week since I went to my last class.  My mood has shifted drastically downward.  I have little energy.  I'm isolating, overeating, and having my usual parade of dark thoughts.

So this is what I want to talk about...how will Bikram yoga affect my mental health if I'm going (ideally) every day for one month??  I have no doubt of the physical benefits.  Far more important at this point in my life is my emotional well being and how I can start to enjoy my life again.