I did the 4pm class with Penni today. Not very full, perhaps because of the holiday. Not much of a St. Patty's Day fan...I don't really like beer and I hate crowded bars. No thank you, I'll pass! My friend Linda and I went together and it was nice to have the company. Today was actually a record breaker for me. It was the first time I've done more than 3 classes in a row. Usually my body poops out after the third day and begs for a day of rest. But this week my body is accommodating the daily regimen fairly well. I have some sore muscles, but Ibuprofen and the stretching are enough to keep me going.
I thought I'd talk about fear briefly because I've noticed it coming up more and more in class. There are a couple poses I'm having some major hesitation in. Camel is one of these postures. It's a backward bending move that eventually requires you to bend back far enough to hold your heels. So your torso curves like a bridge. I can do the backward bend quite well and feel myself progressing as I'm able to look further and further back during each class. But I'm terrified of moving my hands off my hips and going ALL THE WAY BACK to grab my heels. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I think I'll hurt myself. Or perhaps I don't want to look foolish in front of other people in the event "it doesn't work out". Likely more the latter. I've struggled with this often throughout my life. This need for approval from others and a desire to be liked and blend in. Most of us know this generally doesn't work out as we have absolutely no control over other's judgements. But still, we attempt to please those around us. Eventually I'm going to have to go for my heels and who knows how it will go. But I do want to get there, preferrably without feeling self conscious or timid.
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I had to decide that I did not have any interest in making new friends. I am still fine with meeting people, but the goal is not to make friends anymore. If I end making friends it's ok, but I don't try and I just act my normal nice self. It's kind of like wanting to get a boyfriend. If you are not interested, that's when you meet one. It takes the fear of rejection out of the social equation. I don't reject them in defense, i just don't make their acknowledgment and acceptance part of what I'm looking for. It may sound really backwards, but that's how I role.
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