I had a really tough class this afternoon. I suppose it's a good thing we don't know these things ahead of time, because if we did, why would we bother? I can say I'm grateful my friend Linda came along with me and we had a sunny, semi-warm day to walk to the studio. The first hour was just brutal for me. During awkward pose I could begin to feel myself struggling, not only physically, but mentally. The thoughts started as a whisper but quickly escalated to, "I'm so fucking tired!! I can't do this! It's impossible!! I'm such a wimp!" You get the point. I probably laid down half a dozen times. I felt awful, defeated. There was no attempt on my part to be compassionate towards myself and that makes me really sad. It's very much a sign of how little I like myself at the moment. The voice quieted somewhat during the floor series. But it was still there. So as the heading says, at least I went...and had the opportunity to visit with Linda.
This evening I'm feeling exhausted and somewhat irritable. My back is feeling sore and I don't have much of an appetite.
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