Crepes

I had the most amazing dinner with a friend tonight at the Crepe Cafe in Seattle. We shared a bottle of wine, chatted, and had a feast of dinner and dessert crepes. YUM! The company and good meal was just what I needed this week. Today I had a job interview and didn't make it to a yoga class. I plan on going tomorrow to the noon class. Mid-day works well for me. It's not too early and I find it prevents boredom on otherwise tedious days without anything else to do. I'm content right now, and rather sleepy, so that's all for now.

Depression: 2, Joy: 0

The past two days have been wasted for the most part. Lots of time spent laying in bed, thinking about the things I could be doing. But I stay put and time passes slowly.

Each day I try to take care of what my therapist and I call, "the basics". This means showering, taking my meds, going outside, eating and so on. I have kept up with those this weekend but found that much more than that felt impossible. Logically, I know it is possible. I'm capable of doing more and sometimes even enjoying myself. So what is the difference from day to day? It's my thoughts. My ability to treat myself with kindness or cruelness. This weekend I let the cruel thoughts win.

A Humbling Experience

Today was my first time back to the studio in a very long time. I was nervous. I'm not sure what I expected exactly, but I was still surprised at how different it was from the last time I was there. The poses were still familiar to me, but my body wouldn't cooperate. So many times I was reminded of how much weight I've gained. My body just wasn't able to bend and move like it used to. I spent a good majority of the class on my back, simply so exhausted it was hard to move. The image in the mirror showed my face, a fierce, red shade. This isn't at all what I imagined my return to the hot room to be like. But I'm planning on going back tomorrow.

Neglect

My poor, poor body. I've been neglecting it. I don't listen to it anymore. It tries to tell me "I'm full." Or "I'm out of breath." Or the worst, "Why don't you pay any attention to me?" Ugh, I feel so guilty. My body has always been there for me. It gives me relatively few issues besides a stray ache or pain once in awhile. And how do I repay it? I smoke almost everyday, I eat half a pie in a sitting, I let the fat continue to slowly spread. Each of us should think about this. How would we treat our body if it was like a friend? A completely separate individual that needs attention, nurturing and yes, even unconditional love.

I've neglected my blog just like my body. I'm sorry dear friends and body, I'll try to do better and not ignore you every day. You're important. And I need you.