The myth of moderation

In the past couple weeks I started frequenting OA (Overeater's Anonymous) meetings. My thinking was somewhere along the lines of, what the hell do I have to lose?? My eating has been out of control, especially at night. Most nights, I get up and consume probably 1000+ calories. And during the day I'm not doing all that much better, snacking on sweet, sugary foods. I do my best to keep certain foods out of the house (ice cream, candy, cookies, etc.) but there are still foods around (cereal, bread, granola bars, etc) that lead me to overeat. This is where OA came in. The twelve steps aren't new to me. My father is a recovering alcoholic and I'm familiar with the program. I like the program. There's a sense of community among sufferers. No judgment or egos. Humility and surrender are key though. And that's where I'm battling with myself. Step one: "We admitted we were powerless over food—that our lives had become unmanageable."

Powerless?? Puhleeeeze! I have control over what I eat. Certain foods cause me problems...sugary, starchy stuff, but I could live without them. Right?? I'm not so sure. More and more people are eliminating sugar and white/enriched flour from their diets, many successfully. Keep in mind OA does not endorse any specific food plan. They provide suggestions and encourage members to avoid behaviors and foods that lead to binging. So what behaviors and foods are problem areas for me?? Well if you've been listening, you know the answer already. What does this mean? It means I should avoid sugary, starchy foods (and beverages, like alcohol) and eating in the middle of the night. When I consider that MAJOR lifestyle change I want to throw a fit. Yep. Just like a little kid. No more ice cream? No more beer? No more PBJ's?? I couldn't do it. No way. To do it I'd have to admit I'm incapable of taking one bite (or one sip) without following it with another. Wait a minute. That is my problem. I'm not one of the lucky few who can have a bite and let it be. I want the whole fucking piece!! And it pisses me off. I am powerless over food. My love for food has slipped into obsession. Moderation seems like such a noble solution. But for people like me, it's a myth. Now I have to decide what to do about it.